Joke Thread

A few years ago, DJ Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him.

The host said,' Tony, you deaf cnut, I said bring a pair of Speedos!'

Reebok Trotter wrote:A few years ago, DJ Tony Blackburn was invited to a pool party. When he turned up he had Jimmy Saville and Gary Glitter with him.

The host said,' Tony, you deaf cnut, I said bring a pair of Speedos!'

"Take me back to your place and fuck me up the arse!" Some fat girl demanded last night.

"I would but I don't have any lubricant," I said.

"Oh you won't need any, I'm very loose," she winked.

"Maybe so," I replied, "but my door frame is very narrow."

My doctor just told me I haven't got long to live.

Well technically it was a death threat after he caught me in bed with his wife.

I've just seen this on a stoke forum and thought it was pretty funny.

Stokes fifa 13 controlles:-

What are the four words you never want to hear after having sex ?

Hows about that then ?

George Clooney is to play Jimmy Saville in his life story. It is going to be called "oh shes eleven"

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I had been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and to employ a private secretary.

She said, " You had better hire someone who is a bit fat and ugly. I don't want you choosing someone your'e going to be tempted to have sex with".

" Fair enough," I replied. " When can you start?"

Now that Abu Qatada is free to walk the streets, the Home Office is afraid that he will just disappear like his brother, Abu Cadabra.

There was a Muslim guy at work boasting that he had the whole of the Koran on DVD. I thought it would be interesting to check it out, so I asked him to burn me a copy. That's when the fight started....

Breaking News!!!

Two more youngsters have come forward to say they had fingers shoved up their backsides by dead BBC TV stars.

Sooty and Sweep say the abuse went on with the full knowledge of the BBC management for years.

I thought Sooty was an ITV program.

My missus crashed her car into some guy at lunchtime today. She told the police that the guy had been on his mobile phone and was drinking from a can of beer at the time of the accident.

The copper wasn't very helpful; he just said the bloke was entitled to do whatever he wanted in his own conservatory.

Now that Movember is over, I see that the ladies are gearing up for their version in the New Year. Apparently its to be called Fannyuary.

gloswhite wrote:Now that Movember is over, I see that the ladies are gearing up for their version in the New Year. Apparently its to be called Fannyuary.

Some of them German birds could do with a bloody good trim. I saw one on a nudist beach flaunting her fur trappers hat.

I was visiting my daughter and son in law the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

My know it all son in law sarcastically laughed and said, " This is the 21st Century, we don't waste money on newspapers, here you can borrow my laptop."

I can tell you now, that fcuking fly didn't know what hit it!