What's the best party you've ever been to?

I don't get invited to many parties these days, in my experience once you get past 21 proper parties don't happen, it's all dinner parties and wife-swapping. Anyway, in my youth I went to some great parties, they were the highlight of a pretty uneventful life.

Clive Bunting used to throw the best parties. I remember one time when we were about 16 he had a party when his folks went on holiday. By the end of the night his house had been trashed, someone had pinched all the spoons, I'd seen two fit girls give the party a lesbian show, someone rang the speaking clock in Australia, and some local thug ended up taking a drug overdose. Great days.

Anyone else remember any good parties?

I always get invited to house parties by this particular group of people I know from school when one of their parents have gone on holiday (odd enough since I don't speak to most of them anymore and I despise half of them) and I usually show up.

But one week a couple of years ago when my parents had fooked off to Salou, I decided to invite all these people round and throw a little party of my own. It was going really smoothly until one bitchy gay guy made a comment about one girl's weight, and she launched an empty glass bottle at his head, which missed him and the girl sat behind him by a matter of millimetres. She ran off up the street crying, and half the party (who took the gay guy's side) sprinted after her like animals. I was too drunk to care about the glass coffee table she had nearly smashed, plus it was all just too funny anyway. I played the peacemaker, and shepherded everybody back inside before the neighbours got to see what was going on, everybody got hammered and it turned into a cracking night, since which nobody has been able to wait until the next time my parents go away.

Christ, some of the parties I went to when I was a teenager would blow your socks off. I'm ashamed to admit some of the stuff that went on, but rest assured the police always ended up escorting me home. I blame my parents.

doffcocker wrote:(odd enough since I don't speak to most of them anymore and I despise half of them) and I usually show up.

This made me laugh!

lee gaskell had a party when I was about 14 for about ten select friends. some lads from school in the year above us got wind of it and gatecrashed. seems his dad kept £5000 cash under his bed which was long gone by the time he arrived back from his holiday. everyone was interviewed at the cop shop but no one owned up.

A lad at school had a party when we were about 15, he invited virtually the whole year to the venue which was a school hall in the next town. Obviously I was expecting a disco, food and to perve at all the girls out of my league - but no, when we got there it was like an 8 year olds party. His parents made us play musical chairs, musical bumps, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey etc.

He never lived it down and left to start a new school very soon after.

I once went to a party in Bolton, three birds to every man. Fantastic. And right slappers they were too. I wasn't a Bolton Hater that night.

Bolton Hater wrote:I once went to a party in Bolton, three birds to every man. Fantastic. And right slappers they were too. I wasn't a Bolton Hater that night.

So it was you who was done for rape with the imaginary illumious condom flapping around in the dark? No wonder you are not allowed in the Borough.

On Saturday my youngest lad had his 16th at our home. 35 little posh bastards came round and ruined my house, showed no respect and generally wound me right up. They got slaughtered by 10 (smuggled in spirits) were shagging on my lawn, puking all over the place (3 passed out) I caught 10 or so smoking weed, and one girl shagged at least 4 lads, 2 of whom had been puking - I guess she was on some sort of power trip as they were pretty defenceless. I had a few mates round to help keep order but it was like herding cats - as soon as we sorted one thing out they wandered off and got up to no good elsewhere (it's a big gaff) One little shit ripped off a load of phones from the room they'd stashed their overnight bags in (they left them there as we have no mobi reception apart from Vodaphone) and my lad tracked them down on Ebay the next morning. Worst of all we live miles from anywhere and I couldn't send them home as there's no public transport and a 3 mile walk to the nearest town which has no buses after 10. Ironically half their parents had phoned to say that their kids shouldn't be allowed alcohol (we'd planned to give them 2 bottles of bud or cider each) and all these kids go to a posh school. Arrogant little shits the lot of them. The only good thing about it is that I'll never have to put up with that crap again.

Just because I was a complete twat at 16 is no excuse for kids these days to behave like that. At least I had some respect for other people's stuff/houses. If I needed to puke (rarely) I'd do it in the loo or garden and if I slept with somebody's daughter I'd tidy up the room a bit afterwards. Not these little *******. Ruined my weekend and the missus is still fuming.

Bolton Hater wrote:I once went to a party in Bolton, three birds to every man. Fantastic. And right slappers they were too. I wasn't a Bolton Hater that night.

..and I'll bet you didn't cop off even with those odds.

wanderlust wrote:On Saturday my youngest lad had his 16th at our home. 35 little posh bastards came round and ruined my house, showed no respect and generally wound me right up. They got slaughtered by 10 (smuggled in spirits) were shagging on my lawn, puking all over the place (3 passed out) I caught 10 or so smoking weed, and one girl shagged at least 4 lads, 2 of whom had been puking - I guess she was on some sort of power trip as they were pretty defenceless. I had a few mates round to help keep order but it was like herding cats - as soon as we sorted one thing out they wandered off and got up to no good elsewhere (it's a big gaff) One little shit ripped off a load of phones from the room they'd stashed their overnight bags in (they left them there as we have no mobi reception apart from Vodaphone) and my lad tracked them down on Ebay the next morning. Worst of all we live miles from anywhere and I couldn't send them home as there's no public transport and a 3 mile walk to the nearest town which has no buses after 10. Ironically half their parents had phoned to say that their kids shouldn't be allowed alcohol (we'd planned to give them 2 bottles of bud or cider each) and all these kids go to a posh school. Arrogant little shits the lot of them. The only good thing about it is that I'll never have to put up with that crap again.

Just because I was a complete twat at 16 is no excuse for kids these days to behave like that. At least I had some respect for other people's stuff/houses. If I needed to puke (rarely) I'd do it in the loo or garden and if I slept with somebody's daughter I'd tidy up the room a bit afterwards. Not these little *******. Ruined my weekend and the missus is still fuming.

Thank-you. I have framed your post on my office wall. If ever I think I want kids I'll refer to this.

Bolton Hater wrote:I once went to a party in Bolton, three birds to every man. Fantastic. And right slappers they were too. I wasn't a Bolton Hater that night.

you have a very vivid imagination.

Natasha Whittam wrote:

wanderlust wrote:On Saturday my youngest lad had his 16th at our home. 35 little posh bastards came round and ruined my house, showed no respect and generally wound me right up. They got slaughtered by 10 (smuggled in spirits) were shagging on my lawn, puking all over the place (3 passed out) I caught 10 or so smoking weed, and one girl shagged at least 4 lads, 2 of whom had been puking - I guess she was on some sort of power trip as they were pretty defenceless. I had a few mates round to help keep order but it was like herding cats - as soon as we sorted one thing out they wandered off and got up to no good elsewhere (it's a big gaff) One little shit ripped off a load of phones from the room they'd stashed their overnight bags in (they left them there as we have no mobi reception apart from Vodaphone) and my lad tracked them down on Ebay the next morning. Worst of all we live miles from anywhere and I couldn't send them home as there's no public transport and a 3 mile walk to the nearest town which has no buses after 10. Ironically half their parents had phoned to say that their kids shouldn't be allowed alcohol (we'd planned to give them 2 bottles of bud or cider each) and all these kids go to a posh school. Arrogant little shits the lot of them. The only good thing about it is that I'll never have to put up with that crap again.

Just because I was a complete twat at 16 is no excuse for kids these days to behave like that. At least I had some respect for other people's stuff/houses. If I needed to puke (rarely) I'd do it in the loo or garden and if I slept with somebody's daughter I'd tidy up the room a bit afterwards. Not these little *******. Ruined my weekend and the missus is still fuming.

Thank-you. I have framed your post on my office wall. If ever I think I want kids I'll refer to this.

The offspring in question spent all day yesterday cleaning up vomit, mopping floors, washing bedlinen, collecting empties, making up beds, washing up and generally having to work for a change. His so-called mates were nowhere to be seen. If anything positive can be said about the whole experience, the lad has realised that whilst he may be given more choice and "freedom" as he gets older, it doesn't come without responsibility.
There are good things about having children but after this weekend I'm struggling to remember what they are.

wanderlust wrote:On Saturday my youngest lad had his 16th at our home. 35 little posh bastards came round and ruined my house, showed no respect and generally wound me right up. They got slaughtered by 10 (smuggled in spirits) were shagging on my lawn, puking all over the place (3 passed out) I caught 10 or so smoking weed, and one girl shagged at least 4 lads, 2 of whom had been puking - I guess she was on some sort of power trip as they were pretty defenceless. I had a few mates round to help keep order but it was like herding cats - as soon as we sorted one thing out they wandered off and got up to no good elsewhere (it's a big gaff) One little shit ripped off a load of phones from the room they'd stashed their overnight bags in (they left them there as we have no mobi reception apart from Vodaphone) and my lad tracked them down on Ebay the next morning. Worst of all we live miles from anywhere and I couldn't send them home as there's no public transport and a 3 mile walk to the nearest town which has no buses after 10. Ironically half their parents had phoned to say that their kids shouldn't be allowed alcohol (we'd planned to give them 2 bottles of bud or cider each) and all these kids go to a posh school. Arrogant little shits the lot of them. The only good thing about it is that I'll never have to put up with that crap again.

Just because I was a complete twat at 16 is no excuse for kids these days to behave like that. At least I had some respect for other people's stuff/houses. If I needed to puke (rarely) I'd do it in the loo or garden and if I slept with somebody's daughter I'd tidy up the room a bit afterwards. Not these little *******. Ruined my weekend and the missus is still fuming.

I very much enjoyed this post wanderlust!

Had to get it out of my system. I am generally the calmest under pressure and managed to get through the weekend without swinging for anyone so I found writing about it was quite cathartic and am now calm. Ish.

wanderlust wrote: There are good things about having children but after this weekend I'm struggling to remember what they are.

In theory they are meant to look after you when you get old. I'll have to see how that works out.

The one my missus had for ann summers and i stayed upstairs out of the way.
They all had too much to drink the wife got bladdered and i got a double header from two drunk wives who stumbled into my den whilst looking for the bathroom.

What's a double header?

An imaginary sexual tryst.

wanderlust wrote:An imaginary sexual tryst.

you sad fukker.