I think I'm in love with a Ladyboy

Sluffy, stop sitting on the fence. HN is a staid, middle-of-the-road, no excitiement allowed, boring old fart. (nothing personal ). You're allowed to say it, because thats what we do on here. Some of his posts are very good, but some, just like the rest of us, are shite. Rather than offer serious comments, many of us just post verbal musings.

I might sound old but i am actually 27. The rest of it is probably true though

Cool

I don't see it that way Glos, I think we are simply who we are on the internet - some tend to want to express themselves as entirely different characters to how they are in real life and I'm just happy enough simply being me - how I post is how you will find me to be as a person.

Each to their own and all that.

I'm a very big fan of Hipsters posts and more often than not agree with his views and opinions - whether he posts that way deliberately or that is how he is in real life is somewhat immaterial to me - it's what he says that matters (whether it be funny or is being serious) and that really is the point I was trying to make earlier - if a post is funny – it’s funny - not because who has posted it - similarly if you don't see the post as funny - then its not.

Simple as that really.

Hipster_Nebula wrote:

I might sound old but i am actually 27. The rest of it is probably true though

It's a hard life in Aberdeen.

It Is, I used to live in Elgin as a kid, and the sheep weren't half as friendly as back in Wales.

I'm currently watching "Hit and Miss" which is a drama series about a transsexual assassin trying to bring up 4 dysfunctional kids whilst topping the occasional punter to put food on the table. (S)he is quite attractive until the (prosthetic) cock shots are shown. Anyhoo said assassin is being pursued by local nice guy who as yet doesn't know the "secret" so suggest it might be worth your while watching it Quent as it may provide some guidelines as to the pros and cons of getting into a relationship with a cock in a frock.

wanderlust wrote:I'm currently watching "Hit and Miss" which is a drama series about a transsexual assassin trying to bring up 4 dysfunctional kids whilst topping the occasional punter to put food on the table. (S)he is quite attractive until the (prosthetic) cock shots are shown. Anyhoo said assassin is being pursued by local nice guy who as yet doesn't know the "secret" so suggest it might be worth your while watching it Quent as it may provide some guidelines as to the pros and cons of getting into a relationship with a cock in a frock.

The lead is actually played by a woman so you have to admire the fake willy!

Speaking of fake willies, any Spartacus fans here? I saw a woman with a strap-on doing the business on an unfortunate fellow... while he was otherwise engaged!

wanderlust wrote:I'm currently watching "Hit and Miss" which is a drama series about a transsexual assassin trying to bring up 4 dysfunctional kids whilst topping the occasional punter to put food on the table. (S)he is quite attractive until the (prosthetic) cock shots are shown. Anyhoo said assassin is being pursued by local nice guy who as yet doesn't know the "secret" so suggest it might be worth your while watching it Quent as it may provide some guidelines as to the pros and cons of getting into a relationship with a cock in a frock.

It is quite good. Created by Paul Abbott who also created Shameless and wrote for Coronation Street asd well as Children's Ward!

Fuck me, I think I'm married to a ladyboy!

Woke up Saturday morning to find Billie still sleeping. She was showing the first signs of a beard, but I've woken up with worse. I was keen to avoid "morning sex" so a quick shower and I was downstairs for breakfast. 25 minutes later a freshly shaved Billie arrived at my table wearing what can only be described as a catsuit. I wasn't keen on the big bulge around her crotch area, but was I in a position to be picky?

Billie made it quite clear she wanted to return to the bedroom to consummate our relationship so I broke down in tears and told her I just couldn't take a 12 inch lady cock up my anus. I'm saving that for prison when the cops finally catch up with me over the Marie "incident". Judging by the look on her face you'd have thought I'd just announced I was going on the Jeremy Kyle Show, she did not seem happy. She said:

"What is wrong Mr Quent, do you not love me anymore? Billie can do good sex front or back, we use vaseline no?"

By this time I was sobbing at the thought of my girlfriends enormous cock. She took offence and stormed off, I think she could see her dream of moving to a council house in Denton had been shattered.

I thought I'd dodged a bullet. Anyway, after a wander round Phuket I returned to the hotel to find Billie sat on some fat American's lap in the bar area. I was so jealous, I wanted that bloody cock! No way was I going to let some chubby yank enjoy my girlfriend's penis.

So I went down on one knee and proposed. She was so happy and said yes immediately. When she hugged me I could tell how pleased she was to see me. So we went across the road to find a priest to marry us, and within two hours of her leaving the yank's lap she was Mrs Quent.

The wedding was a beautiful thing. Her father gave her away (he had tits mind), and her mother with the size 12 feet and adams apple cried all the way through the ceremony. Her brothers Daisy and Jasmine made for beautiful bridesmaids.

We finally consummated our marriage on Saturday night. It wasn't the sexiest experience of my life, it felt like someone was ramming a pool cue repeatedly up my arse, but Billie seemed to enjoy it. We got caught up in the moment and forgot to use protection. At the time I thought nothing of it but now I'm back in the UK I'm having these weird cravings for sausages and ice cream. Could I be pregnant? If I am will the baby be born a ladyboy?

Anyway, I'm happier now than I've been since I had an unconscious hooker in my boot. Billie is still in Phuket waiting for her UK passport, she hopes to join me in Denton very soon.

Wish us well.

All the best to you both Quent. I think you've bent over backwards to please her and I'm sure she'll fill you with joy on a regular basis.

On another note...

Keegan wrote:Speaking of fake willies, any Spartacus fans here? I saw a woman with a strap-on doing the business on an unfortunate fellow... while he was otherwise engaged!

I confess I am a Spartacus fan and would recommend it to anyone with an interest in history. In fact I would go as far as to say that had these educational programmes been used in school when I was a kid there would be a disproportionately high number of historians in society nowadays. Teachers could learn a lot from Spartacus.

Quent, congratulations son! This is awesome news to wake up to! I am so happy for you both and hope you will be having a little function of some sort when your new bride is able to join you here.

I think it is so romantic that you got married on Her Majesty's Diamond Jubilee weekend.

I will associate future happy memories of the anniversary of the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II with your proposal, marriage to and buggering by Billie.

Surely it is no coincidence that the letters of your name all appear in her Majesty's name and in the correct order: Queen Elizabeth II.

I told you Billie could be just what you needed after that heartless cow, Marie. I was right all along! This is just so exciting. Missing the Royal Flotilla on Saturday was well worth it after all. I hope you were able to sit comfortably on the plane.

Also as you have a hankering for sausages at the moment, may I suggest 'pork and leek'. It may even remind you of your wedding night.

Quent wrote:No way was I going to let some chubby yank enjoy my girlfriend's penis.

Surely this is one of the finest sentences ever written in an internet forum.

If Shakespeare were around now this is the kind of stuff she'd be doing.

Did a pregnancy test. I'm not pregnant. Thank fuck. Don't know how I would have explained that to my boss, I don't think he's ever had a bloke on maternity leave before.

The good news is that Billie arrived in the UK on Wednesday evening on a temporary visa. She looked bloody gorgeous as she walked out of Customs at the airport, even the beard that had grown on the plane wasn't enough to dampen my spirits. She really is a catch. Anyway, I took her straight to my flat in Denton, I think she must have been tired as she didn't seem too impressed with either the flat or Denton itself. It didn't help that my downstairs neighbour has a burnt out Vauxhall Corsa on his front garden, and my other neighbour was taking a dump on his front step.

After sleeping for the rest of the day Mrs Quent took her first few steps into her new life, a small party arranged by my Mother. At this point I should mention that I hadn't actually told anyone in the UK that Billie was a ladyboy, I really wish I'd done it in advance though.

We arrived at the party where my Mother had invited close family and friends. I heard whispers of "wow, she's spectacular", "what a beauty", "what big feet", "hot!" and "why does she have an adam's apple". I felt about 10 feet high, it's a long time since I stepped out with a beautiful woman that wasn't charging me by the hour.

Everyone fell in love with Billie, my Mother even got talking to her about children and how beautiful they would be. Unfortunately the evening took a bad turn when Billie decided to use the toilet. Old habits die hard and she went into the bloke's bogs, which wouldn't have been the end of the world if she's gone into a cubicle, but she decided to use a urinal and pulled out her 12 inch todge. Typically three of my friends were in there at the time and came out laughing their heads off.

Within 10 minutes the whole party knew I was married to a ladyboy. My mother has disowned me, my friends are mocking me, and as we were leaving I could hear my 95 year old gran sobbing "Billie has a bigger cock than my dear old Arnold".

So we're back at my flat and life doesn't seem so great. We've made love a few times but my arse is sore and we've run out of germoline.

Quent wrote:I could hear my 95 year old gran sobbing "Billie has a bigger cock than my dear old Arnold".

So we're back at my flat and life doesn't seem so great. We've made love a few times but my arse is sore and we've run out of germoline.

If this thread was some sort of wind-up, that would be one of the funniest things I've ever read, Quent.

I don't know if you think a night out with other people who are part of sexual minorities might help Billie settle into her new life, but I know a couple of lesbians who are at a loose end one night next week. PM me.

I had a Vauxhall Corsa stolen the other week - is it metallic blue by any chance?

Numpty 28723 wrote:I had a Vauxhall Corsa stolen the other week - is it metallic blue by any chance?

No, this Corsa has been burnt out longer than Billie has had tits.

largehat wrote:I will associate future happy memories of the anniversary of the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II with your proposal, marriage to and buggering by Billie.

Wow - so many quotable quotes on this page, but this had me in tears.

Damn you, largehat - I'm not usually the sentimental type.