Nigerian Scouting thread.

Somebody is in trouble...

I have just got off the phone after taking an awful ear bashing from Mr Peacock. He has been looking on our site and was deeply offended to discover that someone had scrawled a moustache with black marking pen on the photo he kindly sent me. ( Post 274 ) Mr Peacock was particularly annoyed because he says he has never sported a moustache.

I have checked with our service provider and it appears we were briefly hacked this afternoon by a computer scammer from Nigeria who goes by the handle of Rooster Cogburn. I believe it is the same individual who scammed Mr Trump out of £6,000 Nigerian Naira. Fortunately AVG was able to identify the threat and put Mr Cogburn's trojan horse into quarantine.

Mr Peacock has asked me to submit a new photo of himself 'sans tache' and I am happy to oblige.




Drew Peacock.. sans stubble.

P.S. I would not like to be in Largehat's PI's flip flops when Captain Wadda and his boys catch up with them. They take a very dim view of scammers in Nigeria. At the very least they will get a severe beating.

Things are going to get seriously out of hand in the Niger Delta. I have just been speaking to Mr Trump who has informed me that he has received a further e-mail from Rooster Cogburn! Ventress was quite correct with his observations.

It turns out that Cogburn is the leader of the Tonton Macoute Westside crew and for the princely sum of one million Nigerian Naira, he has offered to take out Captain Wadda's crew and Largehats gumshoes. He has sent Mr Trump a photo of three of his top assassins who specialise in torturing their victims by ripping off their lips and putting them on key rings as souvenirs.

I have enclosed the picture that Mr Trump sent me so that Largehat can notify his detectives and Brother Dar can warn Captain Wadda that he could be in mortal danger.



The Tonton Macoute Westside Crew.

That's what Nat & Plain Jane could look like.

I find that behaviour to be quite odd. Why on earth would one deface themselves like that?

I reckon its a punishment for being too lippy!

It's part of their tradition. The only downside is the exorbitant cost when they have to pay lip service.

That picture is disgusting, weird tribes out there.

Blackburn Rovers take those team bonding sessions way too seriously.

I was able to get to a Western Union counter this morning. There's one in the Arndale Centre in Manchester. I have become something of a talking point among the staff there, they've never dealt with Mongol Tugriks before. When I hand the notes over they behold them in their hands like I've just put something in their hand and said "this belonged to Jesus".

Anyway, I digress. Upon returning home, I had received another report. These guys are really efficient, I am so pleased with their work. I should also point out that they are absolute professionals. They disappear. They fit in. There's no way Darequam's action man army will find them. They are fluent in over 50 dialects, they are human chameleons. In short, they're like George Peppard in the opening credits of "The A-Team". Masters of disguise who don't know how to be caught.





And so to the latest report. This is what it said:

Tuesday - September 4th 2012

We chequered into same branch of Interconinental Hotel as Darequam, Port Harcourt branch. In order to catch suspect Darequam at breakfasts we loiter round hotel restaurant from 5am, eating the bran snaps and drinking juices. at 8.15am we observe Darequam eating from bushy plate and tracked to hotel lobby where he plessed shut phone call.



As you can see he was pretty please with himself and progress of his planning. We was not able to hear Darequam conversation as was noisy in foyer but we contact friend at Vodafone Nigeria who inform us that Darequam make contact with students at Center for Arid Monitoring of Earthern Layers at Bukar Abba Ibrahim University in Damaturu, Yobe State, Nigeria.

This is logo of Center for Arid Monitoring of Earthern Layers:




We welcome this brekkthough in investigation with open arms and Jesus's Love. We notify our operative in Yobe State to investigate these happenings and report back to us.

Wednesday - September 5th 2012

Our operative in Yobe State track down purpose of Darequam telephone call with easyness and simpleton. We find fresh nuttice on nuttice board of campus prayer room looking for young men ages 18-23. No fat or Paralympic student wanted. Any such men wanting to earn Naira to assemble on dirt track outside centre Saturday at 9am to await further instruction.

Why Darequam want young men from Desert Research Centre? Could desert warfare be part of future overthrow of militariness. We prepare major sting operation for this Saturday.

Meanwhile subject Darequam return to homestead in Ikot-Abasi on coach after minor skirmish with rebel on outskirts.

Brother Dar, last night I watched a DVD called Tears of the Sun, starring Bruce Willis and Monica Bellucci. I had no idea what a violent place Nigeria could be. If you decide to go scouting in the north of your country please make sure that Captain Wadda and his boys accompany you at all times and keep your eyes peeled for the Tonton Macoute Westside Crew.

Bloody hell, it looks like Mo could be right. There does seem to be a remarkable likeness to our Dicky.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/lord-lucans-son-on-his-gentle-fun-loving-1313592

Darequam still safe and sound, and am so not the man in your pictures . Largerat

Mr Trump has just been on the dog and bone to inform me that he has received a further e-mail from Rooster Cogburn to inform him that his Tonton Macoute Westside Crew have captured and eliminated the two detectives that Largehat hired to keep an eye on Brother Dar. After bribing a customs official they have also taken possession of the box of frogs which were being exported without a CITES permit.

For the princely sum of 25,000 Nigerian Naira the Westide Crew are prepared to divulge where the bodies of the detectives have been buried.

As we haven't heard from Brother Dar since the 10th September I am praying he is safe and well and carrying out his scouting duties with due diligence.

Yes OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

september report to flood in soon

september report to flood in soon

Try not to mention floods. It's a touchy subject over here at the moment.

Bugger me, it never rains but it pours. I had a Captain Matthew Webb lined up as Brother Dar's sponsor for October but I have just received the sad news that he has drowned in a boating incident in Hebden Bridge.

I am hoping I can secure a sponsor for October within the next few days. Fortunately Mr Peacock has confirmed that he is still happy to sponsor Brother Dar for his September reports.

Report 1

On moving from Ibadan to Lagos, I had to go around my new location at surulere to find out hotspots for soccer, doing that I found out that the national stadium wasn’t too far from where I reside, so I made up my mind to always go there whenever am less busy to check on the dudes that might be playing football there.
On my first trip to the stadium, I found out that they don’t just allow guys to use the pitches anyhow, all because they are avoiding the pitch being over used as it costs so much to maintain. Instead of playing football on the pitches, guys would rather take themselves to some tarred parts of the roads around the stadium and set emselves up for soccer. The first group of boys I came across were awesome though. They were playing the normal set, with new set of boys replacing the conceding ones. I stayed around and watched them for a while before I discovered a guy named Abdul Nuhudeen, to me he plays lije a full back capable of going forward and still coming back to help is team.
Sport Nurudeen in the red shirt

Video: https://youtu.be/vg0G21D24JU

Report 2

On my next trip to thhe stadium to check on people playing soccer, this time I made sure I entered the stadium pitch, but again it was quite unfortunate that it was there left reserved for nobody yet. I then went around it like I did the other time, then I saw different groups of boys playing, but tried to have a good evaluation of which to fully pay my attention to. After a while I sticked to a part and watched carefully as they carried on with their soccer activities. They were all actually playing well, and I was able to spot 2 who were good enough to make me have an interest. They were Edwin and Akin. Edwin in blue was better, and he played like a midfielder all through the time I spent with them, Akin on the other hand showed glimpses of having the potential to become a good footballer. He played in the same team with Edwin and was operating well as a winger. Akin in an orange shirt.

Video: https://youtu.be/LatzcwRKxtk

Report 3

It was like a week after my last visit to the stadium, as I’ve been going to my workplace over the week. Please note that I actually preferred to go check the guys in the the stadium in lagos as a result of its guaranteed security. Lagos is a big City, and you don’t just go anywhere claiming to be something and doing something, one could be robbed, mobbed or even arrested by corrupt Police officials and charged with an unknown crime. If I was guaranteed sumtn like a Burreta or desert eagle, it would have been easier to throw my self in the risk and claim my territory whenecer approached by anybody.
On this particular day, I got to see some set of guys playing but this time, it wasn’t a set, it was more like a street challenge. Two street put themselves up and decided to play together at the stadium (though not allowed on the main pitch). It was a very interesting one, and I was glad I didn’t miss it. The game eneded 0 – 0 but I was able to spot 2 good players on Oluwadapo(striker) and Tomisola(defender). They both showed what it takes to play in their various positions, and they were a joy to watch play.

Video: https://youtu.be/cnEEFGaGUrw


Report 4

On my next visit to the stadium, I took my time to try and search for the players I spotted recently so as to have a little continuity in my work, but was unable to get them. To me, it seems like different sets of people takes their chances on the pitches on different periods. When I got my butts to the spot where I had been the last time, I saw some boys playing. I discovered it was another street game as the two teams had different jerseys. I decided to stay around and study the match for the day. The match started with a controversy at the beginning and later got more interesting. I was able to find a useful footballer, with the name “Mutiu konijagbe” he played up front and I was also told he can switch to the midfield role and still be confident with the role.

Video : https://youtu.be/0LfL98AmOqc


Report 5

I went along to the stadium with one of my new friends in lagos, and he helped me to a place where I can check on the next fixture to take place on the main pitch. It was awesome to find out that it was to take place in 2 days time. Even without the exact knowledge of the teams to play I decided to plan my self for the coming fixture. In order not to go empty handed without doing anything for the day, I decided to look around, and for the first time I saw one of the guys I scouted in the previous reports. It was Edwin, playing like he played before from the midfield, this time he and the other boys were playing in a bigger pitch and it made it easy to watch how good he is when it comes to holding the ball and distributing it to his mates


Video: https://youtu.be/kPe2EG6HhSA


Report 6

I got there early on the match day, it was a match between 2 local clubs in the town, I got me a good sit where I can get a good view of all that was going on. The match started first in a drab way, but the tempo increased as they continue playing. The area was full of fans who came to watch the boys, and it made it hard in seeking information about the footballers. Both teams went on pressing with attacking prowess, but was unable to score. An exciting player from the team in blue played on the wings, I didn’t get his names but he sure was so good when it comes to crossing the ball and picking out his teammates when attacking. He also showed that he was a good set piece taker as whenever he took corners, it arouses the nerves of the opponent. The match went down with non of the teams scorring, but I was informed about the time they’ll play again, and I hope by then I’ll be able to get info on him.

Video: https://youtu.be/YOP6RnwlbIs