Joke Thread
+45
Bwfc1958
Pevensey Pete
Bollotom2014
Boggersbelief
boltonbonce
NickFazer
Soul Kitchen
karlypants
Culcheth_White
Lofty_Love
scottjames30
Triumph
Sgt. Bash
Leeds_Trotter
rammywhite
terenceanne
Lyric Todkill
JonnyRandom
MartinBWFC
Angry Dad
LeedsWanderer
WhiteBic
Reebok_Rebel
BoltonTillIDie
Copper Dragon
Whatsupdoc
Numpty 28723
doffcocker
Mr Magoo
Bolton Nuts
xmiles
jayjay23
Natasha Whittam
Spillthebeans
trotter1948
gloswhite
Quent
Sluffy
largehat
Banks of the Croal
bwfc71
Keegan
wanderlust
aaron_bwfc
Reebok Trotter
49 posters
382 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 12 2013, 21:52
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover
by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes. The Asylum seeker says "I'm
hungry." (POW) a hug banquet appears! He then says "Now I want a nice
house." (POW) a big mansion with a swimming pool appears. He then says"I
want to be British." (POW) everything vanishes! He asks "Where has
everything gone?" the fairy says "You're British now mate, you're
Entitled to fuck all."
by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes. The Asylum seeker says "I'm
hungry." (POW) a hug banquet appears! He then says "Now I want a nice
house." (POW) a big mansion with a swimming pool appears. He then says"I
want to be British." (POW) everything vanishes! He asks "Where has
everything gone?" the fairy says "You're British now mate, you're
Entitled to fuck all."
383 Re: Joke Thread Wed Feb 13 2013, 17:32
Sgt. Bash
Andy Walker
Stolen from another site:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
386 Re: Joke Thread Wed Feb 13 2013, 22:59
BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
B&Q have been dragged into the meat scandal! They've been selling wooden floors with Laminate...
387 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 14 2013, 06:09
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
388 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 14 2013, 21:06
gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Tesco are in trouble again as its been discovered that their Value Lager is 70% horse piss
As they lay frozen side by side in the lasagne, Shergar turned to Black beauty and said. 'Great hiding place, but I knew they'd Findus' (ok, ok, I'm leaving)
As they lay frozen side by side in the lasagne, Shergar turned to Black beauty and said. 'Great hiding place, but I knew they'd Findus' (ok, ok, I'm leaving)
389 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 14 2013, 21:08
gloswhite
Guðni Bergsson
Richard III holds the record for staying in a car park the longest, but did you know the second place goes to Peter Odemwingie ?
390 Re: Joke Thread Sat Feb 16 2013, 11:41
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
I just found the cure to homosexuality.. It's lip balm. You rub it on your arse and it keeps the chaps away.
391 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 21 2013, 13:05
aaron_bwfc
Moderator
BREAKING NEWS............... BREAKING NEWS...........
Police have discovered a diary with the names of 5 other women
Oscar Pistorious was planning to assassinate, they've called it 'Shinless List'
Police have discovered a diary with the names of 5 other women
Oscar Pistorious was planning to assassinate, they've called it 'Shinless List'
392 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 21 2013, 19:24
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
What is blue and smells of Haribo ????
Kevin Websters overalls.
Kevin Websters overalls.
393 Re: Joke Thread Thu Feb 21 2013, 20:20
MartinBWFC
Ivan Campo
Blind school out on a roadtrip, after about 2 hours teacher thinks it's about time the kids had a break, spotting a pub teacher thinks perfeect beer garden for kids, teacher goes in orders all the drinks, barman asks who are all these for, teacher replies I am a teacher at the blind school and I am on a roadtrip with the kids, barman asks is it not a bit dangerous to leave blind kids outside on their own, no replies teacher they are playing football, barman in hysterics asks how is it possible, ah says teacher I have a special ball made for them, it's full of bells so they just folloow the sound of the bells, at that a man comes running in asking who's in charge of the blind kids, me says the teacher why whats wrong, well you better get out there they're kicking fuck out of a morris dancer.
396 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 26 2013, 12:41
aaron_bwfc
Moderator
A film crew had just finished filming day one of a new project in the desert when the Director asked everybody if they knew the weather forecast for the following day . An old Indian arms crossed and staring straight ahead said "Tomorrow Rain"
The next day it rained.
A week later, the director asked again and the Indian said, "Tomorrow storm."
The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Me not know," he said. "Radio broken."
The next day it rained.
A week later, the director asked again and the Indian said, "Tomorrow storm."
The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Me not know," he said. "Radio broken."
397 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 26 2013, 18:09
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
What have Heather Mills and Celtic got in common?
The second legs just for show.
The second legs just for show.
398 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 26 2013, 18:11
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Paddy says to Murphy, " Have you heard the news? Three cliff walkers have fallen to their deaths."
" Bloody hell " says Murphy, " It's unbelievable that they all had the same name!"
" Bloody hell " says Murphy, " It's unbelievable that they all had the same name!"
399 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 26 2013, 18:15
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
Don't forget Comic Relief this year. Just £5 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and his girlfriend.
400 Re: Joke Thread Tue Feb 26 2013, 18:19
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
A mate of mine who is going deaf runs a bakery. One day he received a phone call from a woman who wanted to order a Birthday cake with ' Happy Birthday. I suck cocks!'
He thought it was a bit weird but made it anyway.
Mrs Cox was furious when he delivered it and her son, Isaac, wasn't impressed either.
He thought it was a bit weird but made it anyway.
Mrs Cox was furious when he delivered it and her son, Isaac, wasn't impressed either.
Similar topics
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum