HomeBoltonTillIDie wrote:Phil Brown has emerged as the early favourite for the Cardiff job, owing to his experience of managing with a crazy Tan!
Swine, beat me to it.
Joke Thread
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Bwfc1958
Pevensey Pete
Bollotom2014
Boggersbelief
boltonbonce
NickFazer
Soul Kitchen
karlypants
Culcheth_White
Lofty_Love
scottjames30
Triumph
Sgt. Bash
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rammywhite
terenceanne
Lyric Todkill
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MartinBWFC
Angry Dad
LeedsWanderer
WhiteBic
Reebok_Rebel
BoltonTillIDie
Copper Dragon
Whatsupdoc
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doffcocker
Mr Magoo
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jayjay23
Natasha Whittam
Spillthebeans
trotter1948
gloswhite
Quent
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largehat
Banks of the Croal
bwfc71
Keegan
wanderlust
aaron_bwfc
Reebok Trotter
49 posters
Message [Page 28 of 50]
541 Re: Joke Thread Fri Dec 27 2013, 23:02
aaron_bwfc
Moderator
Swine, beat me to it.
542 Re: Joke Thread Mon Dec 30 2013, 14:42
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
543 Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 07 2014, 23:30
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
Man said to his wife, "I'm buying an animal or two. Do you want a goat to keep the grass down, or chickens for eggs?"
She replied, "I'd love a cock to wake me in the mornings for a change.
She replied, "I'd love a cock to wake me in the mornings for a change.
544 Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 07 2014, 23:32
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
What does an illegal immigrant have in common with sperm?
Millions of the fuckers come flooding in and only one bastard works!
Millions of the fuckers come flooding in and only one bastard works!
545 Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 07 2014, 23:49
karlypants
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 38158
Join date : 2012-08-04
Spillthebeans wrote:What does an illegal immigrant have in common with sperm?
Millions of the fuckers come flooding in and only one bastard works!
546 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jan 08 2014, 22:46
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
My wife gets everything mixed up nowadays. I get my steak well done, and my blow jobs are rare.
547 Re: Joke Thread Wed Jan 08 2014, 22:59
BoltonTillIDie
Nat Lofthouse
Posts : 13602
Join date : 2012-07-19
Age : 44
Location : Halifax
548 Re: Joke Thread Mon Jan 13 2014, 22:11
NickFazer
El Hadji Diouf
BREAKING NEWS
Ashley Young has won the FIFA Fellon d'floor Award
Ashley Young has won the FIFA Fellon d'floor Award
549 Re: Joke Thread Tue Jan 21 2014, 19:40
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
David Moyes has promised that Manchester United will be involved in a major European competition next year.
Even if he has to write the song himself
Even if he has to write the song himself
550 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 13:04
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it's my fault!”
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow it's my fault!”
551 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:31
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
Just been watching some ladies golf on TV.
They're useless at driving,but fucking amazing with an iron.
They're useless at driving,but fucking amazing with an iron.
552 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:32
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
I went to a charity disco last night in aid of women born without any legs. The dance floor was crawling with fanny!
553 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:33
Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Spillthebeans wrote:Just been watching some ladies golf on TV.
They're useless at driving,but fucking amazing with an iron.
Sexist.
554 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:33
Natasha Whittam
Nat Lofthouse
Spillthebeans wrote:I went to a charity disco last night in aid of women born without any legs. The dance floor was crawling with fanny!
Insulting.
555 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:34
Spillthebeans
Nicolas Anelka
Bloke walks in to a pub and asks for 12 vodkas. The barman lines them up and watches him knock them back. "Fuckin hell mate! What's the celebration." "First blow job" says the guy. The barman congratulates him. "Let me buy you another one." "Nah. Fuck it. If 12 dont take the taste away, 13 aint gonna!"
556 Re: Joke Thread Thu Jan 23 2014, 20:38
boltonbonce
Nat Lofthouse
Q. What goes 'quack quack quack quack quack quack'? A. Jonathan Ross describing his crazy paving.
557 Re: Joke Thread Sat Jan 25 2014, 10:35
Reebok Trotter
Nat Lofthouse
A father goes into his daughter's bedroom and sees a letter
addressed to "Mum and Dad" on the bed.
With a heavy heart he opens it and
reads:
Dear Mum & Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he
is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his stolen
Harley.
But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed
said that we will be very happy in his caravan in Epping Forest. He wants to
have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams
too.
I've learned that marijuana does not hurt anyone
and we'll be growing it for us and Ahmed's friends. They're the ones providing
us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever
want.
In the meantime we'll pray for science to find a
cure for AIDS, so Ahmed can get better. He deserves
it.
Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for
me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement.
Apparently I can earn £200 per scene. I get a £200 bonus if there are more than
three men in the scene and an extra £100 for the
Alsatian.
Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 14 I know how to take
care of myself. Someday we'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your
grandchildren.
Dad, found the cash you were hiding from Mum,
but don't worry we left you a few quid.
Your loving
daughter,
Angelina.
P. S. Dad. For God's sake calm down. It's not
true. I'm actually watching TV at the neighbours. I just wanted to show you that
there really are worse things in life than England losing the f*****g Ashes.
Have a nice
day!
addressed to "Mum and Dad" on the bed.
With a heavy heart he opens it and
reads:
Dear Mum & Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
telling you that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he
is so nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his stolen
Harley.
But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed
said that we will be very happy in his caravan in Epping Forest. He wants to
have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams
too.
I've learned that marijuana does not hurt anyone
and we'll be growing it for us and Ahmed's friends. They're the ones providing
us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we could ever
want.
In the meantime we'll pray for science to find a
cure for AIDS, so Ahmed can get better. He deserves
it.
Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for
me to be in films that his friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement.
Apparently I can earn £200 per scene. I get a £200 bonus if there are more than
three men in the scene and an extra £100 for the
Alsatian.
Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 14 I know how to take
care of myself. Someday we'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet your
grandchildren.
Dad, found the cash you were hiding from Mum,
but don't worry we left you a few quid.
Your loving
daughter,
Angelina.
P. S. Dad. For God's sake calm down. It's not
true. I'm actually watching TV at the neighbours. I just wanted to show you that
there really are worse things in life than England losing the f*****g Ashes.
Have a nice
day!
558 Re: Joke Thread Sat Jan 25 2014, 11:13
Boggersbelief
Nat Lofthouse
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
559 Re: Joke Thread Sat Jan 25 2014, 11:18
Boggersbelief
Nat Lofthouse
Gay man in Nigeria given 40 lashes.
I bet he looks fabulous now.
I bet he looks fabulous now.
560 Re: Joke Thread Sun Jan 26 2014, 14:56
Guest
Guest
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE........
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this fucking badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE........
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